The Blockbuster Movie Event of 2006
Movie trailer:
Scene: Crowded Airplane just after takeoff,very hot and stuffy
VOICEOVER: Just once in a lifetime will you see a movie that will leave you shaking in fear.......From the makers of "Snakes on a Plane"
Foreground shot;Middle-aged couple
Husband: It will be so nice to finally get to Cabo...
Wife: Yes dear, you need to relax. You know what the doctor said, some real R and R or you'll really have that nervous breakdown for sure.
Husband: Yeah I'm just gonna enjoy the peace at our resort. What's it called?
Wife: Los Palacios
Enter Disheveled Drunken Man #1 from out of an aisle baggage closet singing loudly
"Got no time for the corner boys..."
The Beaver: Wally that man up there smells.
Wally: I know, Beav, just hold your nose.
Husband: He looks very familiar. I wish he'd shut up.
Drunken Disheveled Man #1 (screaming in the aisle): "Sixteen Shells from a Thirty Ought Six!!!
Husband: Oh no it can't be... Oh no
Wife: What is it dear?
Drunken Disheveled Man #1: I'm gonna whiddle you down to kindlin' Sing you motherfuckers or I'll shit right here! Hey waitress Gemme a drink already it's a fuckin four hour flight!!
Husband: Oh no. I'm doomed.
Wife: What? I'll just get him to shush
Husband: Don't you see what's happening? We've got...
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!!"
Wife: AAAAAAAAAH!!!
Voiceover: This summer see the movie that is to air travel what Jaws was to surfing..
it's.....
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!"
Drunken Disheveled Man #1 (Tom Waits stumbling in the aisle): I'm the Sun God motherfuckers! Roll your bones Roll your bones!!!! Dance or I'll....bloooeeaaaakkkkkk!
The Beaver: Wally,Why didn't that man use the barf bag the nice airline gives us?
Wally: I don't know, Beav, but I hope that other guy never takes off his hat.
Husband (curled and tense): Help me I'm losing it
Wife: It's OK take deep breaths and cover your eyes and ears.
Tom Waits: Bartender!!!
Husband: I can still hear him!!
Wife: Breath honey breath. Oh and leave your hat on
Suddenly Drunken Disheveled Man #2 stumbles out of the bathroom
Drunken Disheveled Man #2: Hey Tommy boy, are we staying at Las Palacio again? I got the tequila!! Ha Ha cough cough cough
Tom Waits: Keith fucking Richards, you're late again!!!!Ha Ha cough cough
Husband: Did he say Las Palacio??
Wife: Oh God No!!!
Voiceover: You'll never be the same after a few hours of...
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!!"
Husband and Wife: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Scene: Crowded Airplane just after takeoff,very hot and stuffy
VOICEOVER: Just once in a lifetime will you see a movie that will leave you shaking in fear.......From the makers of "Snakes on a Plane"
Foreground shot;Middle-aged couple
Husband: It will be so nice to finally get to Cabo...
Wife: Yes dear, you need to relax. You know what the doctor said, some real R and R or you'll really have that nervous breakdown for sure.
Husband: Yeah I'm just gonna enjoy the peace at our resort. What's it called?
Wife: Los Palacios
Enter Disheveled Drunken Man #1 from out of an aisle baggage closet singing loudly
"Got no time for the corner boys..."
The Beaver: Wally that man up there smells.
Wally: I know, Beav, just hold your nose.
Husband: He looks very familiar. I wish he'd shut up.
Drunken Disheveled Man #1 (screaming in the aisle): "Sixteen Shells from a Thirty Ought Six!!!
Husband: Oh no it can't be... Oh no
Wife: What is it dear?
Drunken Disheveled Man #1: I'm gonna whiddle you down to kindlin' Sing you motherfuckers or I'll shit right here! Hey waitress Gemme a drink already it's a fuckin four hour flight!!
Husband: Oh no. I'm doomed.
Wife: What? I'll just get him to shush
Husband: Don't you see what's happening? We've got...
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!!"
Wife: AAAAAAAAAH!!!
Voiceover: This summer see the movie that is to air travel what Jaws was to surfing..
it's.....
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!"
Drunken Disheveled Man #1 (Tom Waits stumbling in the aisle): I'm the Sun God motherfuckers! Roll your bones Roll your bones!!!! Dance or I'll....bloooeeaaaakkkkkk!
The Beaver: Wally,Why didn't that man use the barf bag the nice airline gives us?
Wally: I don't know, Beav, but I hope that other guy never takes off his hat.
Husband (curled and tense): Help me I'm losing it
Wife: It's OK take deep breaths and cover your eyes and ears.
Tom Waits: Bartender!!!
Husband: I can still hear him!!
Wife: Breath honey breath. Oh and leave your hat on
Suddenly Drunken Disheveled Man #2 stumbles out of the bathroom
Drunken Disheveled Man #2: Hey Tommy boy, are we staying at Las Palacio again? I got the tequila!! Ha Ha cough cough cough
Tom Waits: Keith fucking Richards, you're late again!!!!Ha Ha cough cough
Husband: Did he say Las Palacio??
Wife: Oh God No!!!
Voiceover: You'll never be the same after a few hours of...
"TOM WAITS ON A PLANE!!!!"
Husband and Wife: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
posted by smelly at 5:03 PM
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9 Comments:
Original...Funny...How the hell did this get through the screeners?
Wife: "You know what the doctor said, some rear R and R or you'll really have that nervous breakdown for sure."
[I'd prefer that the Bub refrain from promoting alternative lifestyles. Can we get an Editorial Board ruling on this one? Or was it just a typo?]
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I preferred "rear R and R" as in get your ass some rest, but the author says it's supposed to be "real" so the editors (OK just me) made the correction.
You want to get my full name out of that Comment of yours Smelly?! I believe a certain member of the Editorial Board demanded a certain story be removed due to a character in it known as "The Reptile" bearing too close a resemblance to that said member, thus establishing the terms of anonymity on this site.
And shouldn't it be "bearing down on me" in that Comment of yours?
I stand by my typos and misspellings, Monseignor
Smelly!
Can you please delete that Comment with my full name in it?
Thanks,
CJM
Like the superheros we are, our identities must forever remain anonymous, lest our enemies use this information to threaten those we love (See "Spider-Man 2").
Which raises an interesting pholisophical and metaphysical question...ah forget it.
I deleted the offending comment.
What's he FILLING in there?
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