Classic Hubbub (from Vol. 1 No.1): EXPRESSIVE ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS AND PUNCTUATION, 2
Original Title: Ed Nestor Already Wrote This
By K. O'Neill
John Nickles has a friend named Ed Nestor who already wrote everything. Everything! Even this. When Ed caught me surreptitiously rummaging through his prodigious archives he stopped me, and calmly said, "Don't waste time, it's all there." He proceeded to unveil August Wilson's next play, and Sam Shepard's, and even John Kennedy Toole's next novel had Mr. Toole not killed himself. He had one entire room devoted to Dostoevsky: his view, Muslim, Atheist, Western Catholic, and even English translated into Russian, with one shelf for Dostoevsky-had-he-done-hack-romance-novels. I was nearly convinced that he had indeed already written everything as soon as he showed me the unauthorized biography of Bob Hope (which would come out after Mr. Hope's death, of course written by a different author), entitled THERE IS NO HOPE. Ed had already predicted who would be the next Nostradamus and had already written everything for him.
"My don't you make yourself known?" I asked him. "You would be the richest, most famous person who has ever lived."
"Have you ever heard the concept of having a monkey type away at a typewriter for millions of years and all the works of literature will be written?" he asked.
"You mean you come from a long line of monkeys?"
"Don't we all?" he answered.
"Who have participated in an experiment on indiscriminate typing?"
"Yes, and we are only several hundred away from proving scientifically that anybody who has any kind of [problem at all in life need only to type away for a few hundred years for the answer!"
"But what good would that do?"
"Excuse me, I have to do. It is time to type."
"But...but...you've already..."
"Here take this with you," he said and handed me this piece of paper you now read with the title EXPRESSIVE ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS AND PUNCTUATIONS, 2 (original title: ED NESTOR ALREADY WROTE THIS) under the pseudonym Kevin O'Neill, and it was this story, this arrangement, verbatim.
By K. O'Neill
John Nickles has a friend named Ed Nestor who already wrote everything. Everything! Even this. When Ed caught me surreptitiously rummaging through his prodigious archives he stopped me, and calmly said, "Don't waste time, it's all there." He proceeded to unveil August Wilson's next play, and Sam Shepard's, and even John Kennedy Toole's next novel had Mr. Toole not killed himself. He had one entire room devoted to Dostoevsky: his view, Muslim, Atheist, Western Catholic, and even English translated into Russian, with one shelf for Dostoevsky-had-he-done-hack-romance-novels. I was nearly convinced that he had indeed already written everything as soon as he showed me the unauthorized biography of Bob Hope (which would come out after Mr. Hope's death, of course written by a different author), entitled THERE IS NO HOPE. Ed had already predicted who would be the next Nostradamus and had already written everything for him.
"My don't you make yourself known?" I asked him. "You would be the richest, most famous person who has ever lived."
"Have you ever heard the concept of having a monkey type away at a typewriter for millions of years and all the works of literature will be written?" he asked.
"You mean you come from a long line of monkeys?"
"Don't we all?" he answered.
"Who have participated in an experiment on indiscriminate typing?"
"Yes, and we are only several hundred away from proving scientifically that anybody who has any kind of [problem at all in life need only to type away for a few hundred years for the answer!"
"But what good would that do?"
"Excuse me, I have to do. It is time to type."
"But...but...you've already..."
"Here take this with you," he said and handed me this piece of paper you now read with the title EXPRESSIVE ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS AND PUNCTUATIONS, 2 (original title: ED NESTOR ALREADY WROTE THIS) under the pseudonym Kevin O'Neill, and it was this story, this arrangement, verbatim.
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