THE WORLD'S TEN GREATEST LAB ACCIDENTS
10. In 800 AD, a team of Chinese alchemists trying to synthesize an "elixir of immortality" from saltpeter, sulfur, realgar and dried honey, instead invented GUNPOWDER.
9. In 1675, German scientist Hennig Brand stored 50 buckets of his urine in a cellar for months hoping it would turn to gold. Instead it yielded a waxy, glowing goo that spontaneously burst into flame! He had invented a practical form of Phosphorus that eventually led to Edison's LIGHT BULB many years later.
8. In 1755, furthering his experiments with electricity, Benjamin Franklin electrocuted a live turkey. He had invented PROCESSED SMOKED TURKEY BREAST (with flavorful feather bits).
7. In 1950, mild-mannered Dr. David Banner, while working on Gamma rays to create a new weapon to extinguish the Red Menace, irradiated himself to become THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
6. In 1929, Sir Alexander Fleming, already reknown for his discovery of penicillin, sneezed into a bacterial sample and noticed that his nasal mucous kept the microbes in check. He had invented what later came to be marketed as...SUPER SNOT PILLS...(you may remember the old jingle from the ad: "It may taste like boogers but it's S'NOT! It's Super Snot Pills!"
5. In 1964, Elvis Aron Presley was stoned out of his gourd in the basement at Graceland at about 5 AM and got hungry. He grabbed the first three things he could pry out of the unconscious hands of his Memphis Mafia pals, slapped it between two pieces of bread and grilled it with a stick of butter... The FRIED BANANA PEANUT BUTTER AND CHEESE SANDWICH was born.
4. In 2005, a fireball created at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Supercollider in Upton, New York had the same characteristics as a black hole. Physicists there were reasonably sure that no such black holes could escape and consume the earth. Reasonably sure.
3. In 1943, Swiss chemist Albert Hoffman inadvertently absorbed a small quantity of lysergic acid through his fingertips. He tripped for days and the AGE OF LSD was born.
Incidentally, Hoffman just turned 100 last January and he says he's feeling "simply groovy, man."
2. In 1992, after a drug trial in Wales, male subjects reported that while the sildenafil citrate they took did nothing for their angina, it did have an unusual side effect. Hello vicar! Hello VIAGRA!!
1. In 1979, a mild-mannered adolescent from Philly awoke one summer morning after a huge house bash (because his parents were away for the weekend), filled the bong with ice-cold Gennesee Cream Ale and then tossed into the bowl a delicate mix of Jamaican Red Sensimilla and Turkish Hashish. Thus was born the greatest Lab Accident of all time...SMELLY'S PSYCHEDELIC BREAKFAST SALAD!!!
9. In 1675, German scientist Hennig Brand stored 50 buckets of his urine in a cellar for months hoping it would turn to gold. Instead it yielded a waxy, glowing goo that spontaneously burst into flame! He had invented a practical form of Phosphorus that eventually led to Edison's LIGHT BULB many years later.
8. In 1755, furthering his experiments with electricity, Benjamin Franklin electrocuted a live turkey. He had invented PROCESSED SMOKED TURKEY BREAST (with flavorful feather bits).
7. In 1950, mild-mannered Dr. David Banner, while working on Gamma rays to create a new weapon to extinguish the Red Menace, irradiated himself to become THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
6. In 1929, Sir Alexander Fleming, already reknown for his discovery of penicillin, sneezed into a bacterial sample and noticed that his nasal mucous kept the microbes in check. He had invented what later came to be marketed as...SUPER SNOT PILLS...(you may remember the old jingle from the ad: "It may taste like boogers but it's S'NOT! It's Super Snot Pills!"
5. In 1964, Elvis Aron Presley was stoned out of his gourd in the basement at Graceland at about 5 AM and got hungry. He grabbed the first three things he could pry out of the unconscious hands of his Memphis Mafia pals, slapped it between two pieces of bread and grilled it with a stick of butter... The FRIED BANANA PEANUT BUTTER AND CHEESE SANDWICH was born.
4. In 2005, a fireball created at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Supercollider in Upton, New York had the same characteristics as a black hole. Physicists there were reasonably sure that no such black holes could escape and consume the earth. Reasonably sure.
3. In 1943, Swiss chemist Albert Hoffman inadvertently absorbed a small quantity of lysergic acid through his fingertips. He tripped for days and the AGE OF LSD was born.
Incidentally, Hoffman just turned 100 last January and he says he's feeling "simply groovy, man."
2. In 1992, after a drug trial in Wales, male subjects reported that while the sildenafil citrate they took did nothing for their angina, it did have an unusual side effect. Hello vicar! Hello VIAGRA!!
1. In 1979, a mild-mannered adolescent from Philly awoke one summer morning after a huge house bash (because his parents were away for the weekend), filled the bong with ice-cold Gennesee Cream Ale and then tossed into the bowl a delicate mix of Jamaican Red Sensimilla and Turkish Hashish. Thus was born the greatest Lab Accident of all time...SMELLY'S PSYCHEDELIC BREAKFAST SALAD!!!
posted by smelly at 7:37 PM
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4 Comments:
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Ironically, Smelly, what you didn't realize was that had you maintained a daily regime of SMELLY'S PSYCHEDELIC BREAKFAST SALAD, you would have no doubt prevented your own, nasty, bout of diverticulitis.
As anyone who has drank Gennesee Cream Ale can attest to, it is one the most effective diuretics known to man, producing a morning-after symptom commonly referred to as the "Genny Screamers."
Had you continued with the Genny-wake-and-bakes beyond this one lost weekend, the powerful colon-cleansing action of the Cream Ale would kept your intestinal track as swift and clean as a mountain bobsled run.
Perhaps this should be WORLD'S TEN GREATEST LAB ACCIDENTS number 1a.
This would have only been effective if Smelly DRANK the bong water after the wake and bake. Just thinking of drinking bong water is sending shivers up my spine uuuugggghhhh....
Did I forget to mention that?
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