The Pagan Origins of Easter (or Happy Ishtar)

Ever wonder what bunnies and ham and colored eggs have to have to with Easter? Like many Christian holidays and traditions, it owes origins to the pagans.

The story begins with a Babylonian King named Nimrod (I am not making this up, although you'll see why this is a term of derision today in a bit), great-grandson of Noah, and builder of the Tower of Babel.

After his father is killed in battle, Nimrod becomes King and marries the Queen, his own mother. Despite this really creepy behavior, Nimrod becomes a powerful King. In the eyes of his people, Nimrod becomes a man-god, and Semiramis, his wife and mother, becomes a powerful Queen.

According to the legend, Nimrod is eventually killed by an enemy in battle, his body is cut into pieces and sent to various parts of his kingdom. Semiramis has all of the parts gathered, except for one part that could not be found. The missing part was his penis (the term nimrod today essentially means "dick-less one"). Semiramis claims that Nimrod can not come back to life without it and tells the people of Babylon that Nimrod has ascended to the sun and is now the sun god.

Not satisfied to just be married to a god, Semiramis begins to set herself up as a god as well. She claims that she was immaculately conceived (hmmm, have we heard that one before). She teaches the Babylonians that the moon is a goddess that goes through a 28 day cycle and ovulates when full. Semiramis herself had come down from the moon in a giant egg that fell into the Euphrates River during the first full moon following the spring equinox.

In her goddess incarnation, Semiramis takes the name "Ishtar" (actually pronounced Easter, or so I am told, I could never understand Babel). When Ishtar becomes pregnant she claims that it was the rays of the sun-god (her ex-) that caused her to conceive. The resulting son is Tammuz.

Tammuz is supposed to have been especially fond of rabbits, and rabbits become sacred throughout Babylon (hah! bunnies!). Unfortunately, one day while out hunting, Tammuz is killed by a wild pig.

The queen tells her worshippers that when Tammuz was killed by the wild pig, some of his blood fell on the stump of an evergreen tree, and the stump grew into a new, full tree overnight. This makes the evergreen tree sacred (yep, even ol' Tannenbaum doesn't have anything to do with Jesus, but that other son of a god and a mortal woman of immaculate conception, Tammuz).

She proclaims a forty day period of sorrow each year prior to the anniversary of the death of Tammuz. During this time, no meat is to be eaten. Worshippers are to meditate and to make the sign of the "T" in front of their hearts as they pray. They also are to eat sacred cakes with the marking of a "T" or cross on the top.

Every year, on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox, a celebration is made, Ishtar's Sunday, with rabbits and eggs. Ishtar also proclaims that because Tammuz was killed by a pig, a pig must be eaten on that Sunday (mmmm, ham).

Thus Easter (and Good Friday which should be the day after first night of Passover since the last supper was Passover Seder, after all) can be as much as three weeks away from the Passover. Instead, Easter, pagan holiday that it is, is always set as the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox.

Interestingly, the only time the word "Easter" appears in the the Bible is in Acts, chapter 12, when we are told that it was the evil King Herod, and not the Christians, who was planning to celebrate Easter.

So there you have it, the forty days of Lent, eggs, rabbits, hot cross buns, the Easter ham, the sign of the cross, the christmas tree and perhaps even the mythology of the birth of Jesus, owe their origins to the ancient pagan religion of Babylon.

So enjoy your holiday, PAGAN IDOLATERS!