Playing Drunk Scrabble

Hesus, I had a rough weekend. Or rather the half of it I can remember. On Saturday night my wife, Kristin, and I decided to take a walk on the wild side, sit on our front porch like a couple of senior citizens and play Scrabble. You know the game where you get a bunch of tiles with letters and then try to make words out of them connecting them on a game board and get points ... blah, blah, blah. But we decide to create our own version called "Drunk Scrabble." The rules are exactly the same except...duh.

We've decided that Scrabble can reveal a lot about your psychological profile. Like those dirty pictures in the psychiatrist's office, the words you create tell a lot about your personality. (What do you mean they're not dirty pictures?)

Anyway, just wait until you've finished the game and look at the words on the board. If they look like something from a old George Carlin routine, then baby you've issues. No this is really true. Next time you want to find out about somebody, give them the letters "C" "U" "N" "T" "A" "S" "S". If they don't come up with the word "cantus" which of course we all know is a style of church music, then well ... whatever.

It doesn't really matter what words I make, because in the end my wife always wins by tremendous margins. Okay, I have to say that I'm the %$#@!ing genius here damn it, but my wife is vicious when it comes to this game. The best word I could think of for the night was "deviant" which was one letter from using all my tiles. (You get an extra fifty points for that.) That wouldn't have been a game winner, but it sure says something about my personality.

It always seems like I'm stuck with four "I"s and three "U"s. Not too many words you can make out of that kind of crap. I..I..I...(say it aloud to get the joke damn it!) I tried that one, but it was not a word. I always end up with words like "huh" and "duh." Then I'd try to make it into "duhd" but Kristin would always call foul "NOT A WORD" in which case I lose my turn.

But last night was different. You see under the demon alcohol's influence, as the inebriation became more pronounced, my abilities became almost super human. By the second game even drawing the tiles from the pouch seemed like an act of ESP. I took out what appeared to be the letters, "H" "M" "Blank" "I" "Blank" "C" "N". Using my Brainiac brain, building upon her letter "a", I was able to create the word, "champion" which was my first word of the game. Blank tiles can be used as any letter. I was no doubt going to win this damn game once and for all! My house would no longer be stained with endless defeat. Of course half-way through the game, Kristin noticed that there seemed to be an extra "blank" tile. So she turned over one of the tiles I had incorrectly placed in upside-down. It was a "G". God, I'm an idiot when I get drunk.


Just a note: Four large glasses of vodka & soda, lead to a night of prayer at the porcelain pagoda.

Well, it may not be funny, but here enjoy my video clip from Cabo San Lucus. It should spice up this place a little: