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Monday, July 31, 2006

Week of July 31 in the Stars

Aries: You may want to pull out some of those unfinished projects you've had tucked away, put aside a quiet hour or so this week to gnaw down that corny bunion on your left big toe. Keep the mirth alive, machine gun fire spit the chewy remnants at a loved one.

Taurus: Be advised, an event of unknown terror or fear could result in case of horripilation. Stay calm and ride it out. By the weekend, all will be smooth.

Gemini: This is your week to act angry at the world. Give your spouse or significant other a taste of their own medicine. Take an afternoon off this week to work in home office while shouting at rest of family to shut up and let you work, remind them, this is no free ride. Be sure to sneak in a few 16 oz. Miller Lite PET bottles for mental lubrication while they all stay away. Try this, visit a favorite website or blog that same afternoon.

Cancer: You look really well this week, gosh god to see you. Hope all is well.

Leo: You may come into some money very soon, be sure to send Aunt Jean a thank you for the $5.00 in your card. You will be very popular this week, enjoy it now, until next August you will go unnoticed again.

Virgo: Those funny feelings you are having are normal, the opposite sex usually does attract. Begin using Oxy Clean (R) pads regularly. Get a jump on those summer books due in September, try to start with Catcher in the Rye. This weekend, VH1 !

Libra: Dont be shy, this is your week to do it. Register to become a Notary Public, easy money and numerous calls from friends of friends at very innopportune times. Otherwise determine closest friend of relative who is a Notary Public, Venus is in line with Pluto, you will be in need of these publican services.

Scorpio: Why were you born? There is no place for Scorpios.

Sagittarius: Play the lottery this week, this is the REAL DEAL! If unsuccessful this week, try again next week. The stars spell LUCKY for you. August 2nd planetary alignement = ALL IN !

Capricorn: Maize is the thing this week. Look for the 6-8 foot high sweet summer white. Dont drive past that Farm stand, a treasure trove awaits you. Later this week, Deja Vu'. This weekend, think fertilization for some late season lettuce heads.

Aquarius: No more falsehoods and derisions, golden living dreams of visions. Peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars. Saturday night: 5 stars if you find the moon in the seventh house.

Pisces: The smell is slightly lingering, BUT MUCH IMPROVED !. Your playful side still emerges for all to recognize from within, so does that other funky thing going on. Continue with the program of antifungal, Gold Bond (R) and twice daily scivvie changes. Good days ahead Pisces, find a nice Sushi Bar for the 5 star weekend hangout.