Week of July 31 in the Stars

Aries: You may want to pull out some of those unfinished projects you've had tucked away, put aside a quiet hour or so this week to gnaw down that corny bunion on your left big toe. Keep the mirth alive, machine gun fire spit the chewy remnants at a loved one.

Taurus: Be advised, an event of unknown terror or fear could result in case of horripilation. Stay calm and ride it out. By the weekend, all will be smooth.

Gemini: This is your week to act angry at the world. Give your spouse or significant other a taste of their own medicine. Take an afternoon off this week to work in home office while shouting at rest of family to shut up and let you work, remind them, this is no free ride. Be sure to sneak in a few 16 oz. Miller Lite PET bottles for mental lubrication while they all stay away. Try this, visit a favorite website or blog that same afternoon.

Cancer: You look really well this week, gosh god to see you. Hope all is well.

Leo: You may come into some money very soon, be sure to send Aunt Jean a thank you for the $5.00 in your card. You will be very popular this week, enjoy it now, until next August you will go unnoticed again.

Virgo: Those funny feelings you are having are normal, the opposite sex usually does attract. Begin using Oxy Clean (R) pads regularly. Get a jump on those summer books due in September, try to start with Catcher in the Rye. This weekend, VH1 !

Libra: Dont be shy, this is your week to do it. Register to become a Notary Public, easy money and numerous calls from friends of friends at very innopportune times. Otherwise determine closest friend of relative who is a Notary Public, Venus is in line with Pluto, you will be in need of these publican services.

Scorpio: Why were you born? There is no place for Scorpios.

Sagittarius: Play the lottery this week, this is the REAL DEAL! If unsuccessful this week, try again next week. The stars spell LUCKY for you. August 2nd planetary alignement = ALL IN !

Capricorn: Maize is the thing this week. Look for the 6-8 foot high sweet summer white. Dont drive past that Farm stand, a treasure trove awaits you. Later this week, Deja Vu'. This weekend, think fertilization for some late season lettuce heads.

Aquarius: No more falsehoods and derisions, golden living dreams of visions. Peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars. Saturday night: 5 stars if you find the moon in the seventh house.

Pisces: The smell is slightly lingering, BUT MUCH IMPROVED !. Your playful side still emerges for all to recognize from within, so does that other funky thing going on. Continue with the program of antifungal, Gold Bond (R) and twice daily scivvie changes. Good days ahead Pisces, find a nice Sushi Bar for the 5 star weekend hangout.

Just In Under The Wire Sunday Morning Haiku

Today is Sunday
I failed to go to church again
Is there beer in hell?

Hubbub Hall of Fame

Hello again, it's me Slag, the self-appointed and unacknowledged Chief of The Hubbub editorial stafff.

We have been on quite a run here lately, with lots of new contributors and lots of new readers. Which got me thinking about all the great stuff that has been posted on here, but that our new friends haven't seen.

So I decided to create a Hubbub Hall of Fame, honoring the all time the great posts and giving this (Hall of Fame) post a permanent spot in the Links section of the Sidebar on this page.

While I am the final (and, of course, self-appointed) arbitor of what makes the list, I will be glad to take your nominations (new Hubbub rule #4: you can't nominate your own post for the hall of fame).

Sporadically, I will update the HOF, but for now, please welcome the inaugural class of The Hubbub Hall of Fame.


Excerpts from the Journal of... MJM
NYC Pub Crawl CJM
The Hubbub Pub Crawl Challenge Slag
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Divorcing Smelly
The Blockbuster Movie Event of 2006 Smelly
No Worries CJM
Fodor's Guide To Hell Smelly
Joey Ramone on the Institue of Marriage CJM
Hey Babe Jump In My Car Ace Starry
Marsh Overlook Dennis
Kelldog Reads The Stars Kelldog
Pizza Pizza Pizza missbhavens

The Concert Was Cancelled...

With communications networks down due to war actions, cellist Miroslav Vitredan was the lone musician to not receive word of the rescheduling. The image above, captured by award winning photographer Frederick Paskievic with a Nikon FG20 near day's end in the ideal natural light of golden twilight, beautifully juxtaposes the tenacity of the human spirit against the permanence of war. Vitredan, having escaped near death from snipers in his harrowing journey to the hall, used the sanctuary of the bombed out facility to get in some practice time. As for the war, his only concern was how long it would take for public transportation to resume after a ceasefire.

Dated Movie Reviews: Blue Velvet...

Blue Velvet
A surrealist drama that sardonically counterpoints a complacent world of bourgeois respectability with a criminal underworld of human monsters and crooked cops and kinky sexual practices. Probably too brutal and disturbing for the faint hearted, but the adventurous moviegoer will find it perversely fascinating.

Starring Isabella Rossellini, Kyle MacLachlan, Laura Dern, Dennis Hopper. Written and directed by David Lynch ("Eraserhead", "The Elephant Man", "Dune").

Brain Training...

Easier than going to the gym. Click here.

HTML 101: How to put hyperlinks in your posts...

How do I drop hyperlinks into my posts you ask?

Example: The Hubbub is the best blog ever!

To make the word Hubbub a hyperlink that takes you to our team blog when you click on it, you need to go into the Edit Html tab when you are creating a post and type the following:

Please note there is a space after that first a (between a and href). Then go back to the Compose tab and type in the rest of your post. The http://the-hubbub.blogspot.com is in the address bar at the top of your browser. Whatever internet page you want to link to, just copy and paste it from that address bar.

Hollywood, it's all a sham folks.

And Halle Berry has more vericose veins than the Santa Monica Freeway has on and off ramps. Age lines, sags, crows feet, halitosis, nose hair. It's amazing what makeup can do. And she smells something awful. No, it's all illusion out here. The beautiful people? Hell, they ain't here, I'll tell you that. Real people, that's beautiful. Like them folks in central Australia, the Aborigines. Aw shit, my glass is empty. Enough of this blog spiel, I gotta memorize some lines. Now where'd I put that bottle dammit?

-Posted by Billy Bob Thornton, my former alter ego.

Greasy Spoon Digest

Down in New Orleans, we take greasy spoon dining to a new level. Everyone in town has their favorite and I actually have too many favorites. Certainly more than I can count in two rotations of a blender's blade.

In post katrina times it is actually another part of the devastation. Lakeview Harbor (and Sidmar's), is destroyed, where I went for an afternoon snack on the day of my bachelor party. Liuzza's on Bienville is back but not serving their full menu of the New Orleans typical, which is a greasy spoon that serves seafood, Italian and even fried chicken livers. MMMMMMMMM. Yes my days working in greasy spoons with the smokin' one makes me more of an experienced connoisseur.

The greasy spoon I want to focus on is a place called P&G on Baronne St, CBD. This has been a lunchtime staple for me since I moved to New Orleans in 1995. It is run my two Greek brothers named Petro and Gus. One time we had a bet between my co-workers to figure out which one is Petro and which one in Gus. I lost the bet but my heaping plate of half and half fried oysters and fried shrimp were a winner. Always order it with potato salad, which is whipped but still chunky, with plenty of egg and mustard. It is normally served on a small bed of lettuce with a sprinkling of dill pickle slices on top. Yes, P&G was back in business by the time I returned from evacuation and will always remain an awesome lunchtime hang out. There is a great dynamic to ordering your food there too. You go straight up to the counter and no matter how many people are there waiting, you just make eye contact with one of the bustling servers and state your desire. The system is...there is no system. Works every time.

Does anyone else have a favorite greasy spoon to describe?
BTW, we are still waiting on Camilla Grill. Word.

Ax Mrs. Chicken Pants

Dear Mrs. Chicken Pants:
Will Dura Automotive Systems (ticker: DRRA) file Chapter 11 and, if so, when?
-CJM
Mrs. Chicken Pants Responce:
Although Mrs. Chicken Pants does not claim to be a prognosticator...she feels that if the company in question is so poorly managed that they have to file for bankruptcy; thier mismanaging will continue and the numb nuts will probably file for Chapter 12!

Dear Mrs. Chicken Pants:
What kind of computers does Bill Gates have at home?I hear he prefers Macs.
-Tico
Mrs. Chicken Pants Response:
You heard wrong. Bill Gates only uses one computer these days and it is an abacus to count all his money.

Dear Mrs. Chicken Pants:
Did Colonel Sanders really go to heaven and feed Moses and God lunch without revealing his secret herbs and spices? Just Wondering...
-Smelly
Mrs. Chicken Pants Response:
Colonel Sanders Better be burning in hell....with his secret recipe!!!!!!!

Dear Mrs. Chicken Pants:
When will MJM and Stalwart post?
-CJM
Mrs. Chicken Pants Responce:
Again...Mrs. Chicken Pants does not claim to be a prognosticator...but she suspects they will post when they are damn well ready...and not a moment before!

Dear Mrs. Chicken Pants:
Why did Mrs. Chicken Pants cross the road?
-Anonymous
Mrs. Chicken Pants Response:
Mrs. Chicken Pants has never crossed the road...but many roads have crossed her!

Please leave questions for Mrs. Chicken Pants in the Comments section of this post.
As always, Mrs. Chicken Pants is very busy eating bugs and fending off unwanted advances from single Roosters but she has assured me that she will be able to find the time to answer questions at least once a week.

Is it...

Friday?



Time for The Hubbub's Friday RANT!

Unload whatever's on your mind in the Comments section below.

Calves' foot jelly, with spotted dick...

Spotted Dick, Jugged Hare: U.K. Dishes to Die Out, Survey Finds
July 24, 2006 (Bloomberg)

Spotted dick, bath chaps, jugged hare and bread and dripping are U.K. dishes at risk of extinction, according to a survey for a television channel. The survey for UKTV Food, a partnership between the British Broadcasting Corp. and Flextech Plc., identified those foods least recognized by people under 25 years old, and those they said they would be least likely to try. Bath chaps, cooled pigs cheeks in breadcrumbs, were most at risk, only recognized by 1 percent of under 25s. Next was jugged hare, boiled hare served with blood and port, and third was brawn, which is jellied pigs head. Bread and dripping came 10th. Among pudding desserts, the most threatened was calves' foot jelly, with spotted dick, 10th. The survey was based on interviews with 2,000 people.

Ax Mrs. Chicken Pants!!!

Since I have been unable to get Greggies permission to reinstate Ax Greggie I have decided to start a whole new 21st century Advice/answer column called...You guessed it...Ax Mrs. Chicken Pants! Inspired by a chance meeting with Mrs. Chicken Pants herself.

Mrs. Chicken Pants may not be able to get to your questions right away, but she will do her best to answer them in a timely manner. She will take questions concerning anything under the sun or moon from "are aardvarks real?" (answer: Yes!) to "What the hell is a zyxnoid?" (answer: any word which a crossword puzzle solver makes up to complete the last blank) I will collect the questions and submit them to Mrs. Chicken Pants and post her replies here as often as possible. Mrs. Chicken Pants is very busy eating bugs and fending off unwanted advances from single Roosters but she has assured me that she will be able to find the time to answer questions at least once a week.

Let the questions begin!!!

Mr. Wizard Knows All

This is a pretty good trick:
1) Write down on paper the year you were born.
2) Write the year of a major event in their life underneath birth year
3) Write down age as of Dec. 31st, 2006
4) Write down # of years that have passed since the major event in life

Add up all the numbers, Click comments below and Mr. Wizard will amaze you!

Professor Cornbread's alcohol warning video...

Click here.

Hubbub rules to date...

Context Here.

Is it time for a photo (and bootlegs) of Robert Allen Zimmerman?

These Dylan songs were apparently works in progress from the Shot of Love sessions. They were recorded from March to May 1981.

"Pizza, Pizza, Pizza"

And now for something completely silly, brought to you by missbhavens

Click on the photo or here to watch in Quicktime!

Or, you can click here to watch in Flash, if that's what works best for you.

"Pizza, Pizza, Pizza"
Smelly Mike Kelly
"Kids Songs That Stink"

THREE CHEERS FOR JAMES A. GARFIELD

I love the Hubbub but there's one thing that bothers me about it. We don't talk enough about our 20th president James A. Garfield!
I've been waiting months for you all to shut up already about Poe and Keith Richards and discuss good ol' Jimmy G! So now I guess I have to...

The last chief executive born of humble origins in a log cabin who was cruelly shot only 200 days into his presidency (125 years ago this month).Then the poor guy painfully lingers on with bullets lodged in his spine before expiring 80 days later.
And what does he get for that?

Lincoln got a tunnel, a memorial, countless schools and a Nebraskan capital named after him.
McKinley got the largest mountain in North America.
And don't get me started on Kennedy...

But Garfield got a one-horse town in Bergen County, New Jersey, as far as I know (I haven't seen much of Ohio).

His assassin, Charles Guiteau, rather than having been executed, should have been sentenced to spending the rest of his life locked in a room listening to Charles A. Arthur drone on about tariff laws.

I feel better now. This was not a Friday Rant, more like a Tuesday Reckoning.

Who do you feel is an important person The Hubbub should discuss more?

No, it is not time for another Keith Richards photo...

500 Beatles tapes discovered...

Story Here.

Kelldog Reads the Stars

Weekly Horoscope : July 24 -30, 2006

Aries: March 21- April 19: You may not be able to revolutionize the world this week, but, you certainly can make a difference in your immediate group of peers, try leaving a floater behind one morning in the bathroom at work sometime this week.

Taurus: April 20- May 20: Others may want to focus on your words rather than actions this week, tell them loud and clear F-off A--hole. This could be a 5 Star weekend Taurus :)

Gemini: May 21-June 20: (Kelldog is a Gemini) Spend quiet time one night this week and drink beer while trying to bring comedic relief to yourself and other seekers of truth in this lost world. Make sure the wife does not find out how much time you waste in your home office doing nothing. Wednesday: Get new 24 pack of Miller Lite 16 Oz. PET Bottles.

Cancer: June 21-July22: This is a bad week for those under the Cancer sign. Consult a doctor immediately. Begin using sunscreen to protect from melanoma. Eat blueberries and other antioxidant rich fruits and vegetables.

Leo: July23-August 22: This is your time LEO, birthday guy. Begin to think about mortality, being over 40 and facing declining health and financial burdens in the years ahead. Think about making that call for Levitra. Later this week, talk with loved ones about whether you want chocolate with chocolate icing, or vanilla with chocolate icing, or vanila with vanilla icing or chocolate with vanilla icing. Tomorrow night: think about what color roses on the cake! Rock on Birthday Dude!

Virgo: August 23- September 22: Be alert with eyes wide open all week, food will play a critical role in a majority of meals during the days ahead. Zero in on what you want, dont be afraid of taking seconds.

Libra: September23-October22: You are on top of your game early this week, wake the F up, put the monopoly game away and get to work, think of good lie to tell boss. Get back on your game Friday night!

Scorpio: October 23- November 21: Scorpios friggin suck and I refuse to read any Scorpio Horoscopes.

Sagittarius: November 22 December 21: Working with a close partner at work may lead to problems this week. An unfortunate and obvious erection may occur suddenly at an inopportune time this week. If female Sagi, shield your eyes girl and watch out.

Capricorn: December 22- January 19: N/A

Aquarius: January 20- February 18: This week be on the lookout for sympathy and understanding, mystic crystal revelations, and the age of liberation. The world is yours you hippie....roll with it man.

Pisces: February 19- March 20: Begin to scrub your privates a bit more, things smell fishy. You are very playful and energetic this week, changing your underwear 2x a day may help with the issue. If the odor still persists try an antifungal cream in conjunction with some Gold Bond (R) Medicated Powder.

"Call 1-800-555-1212 for Kelldog's personal forecast for Love, Luck, Health, Career and Money. each call costs only $.99 per minute."

I'll take door #3...

The Monty Hall Problem gets its name from the TV game show, "Let's Make A Deal," hosted by Monty Hall. The scenario is such: you are given the opportunity to select one closed door of three, behind one of which there is a prize. The other two doors hide "goats" (or some other such "non-prize"), or nothing at all. Once you have made your selection, Monty Hall will open one of the remaining doors, revealing that it does not contain the prize. He then asks you if you would like to switch your selection to the other unopened door, or stay with your original choice. Here is the problem: Does it matter if you switch?

[Photo taken on St. Mark's Place betw 1st Ave. & Ave. A on Saturday, July 22nd.]

The French alternative...

Belgian cut fries.
These ain't freedom fries!

On a good day, this tiny East Village storefront goes through more than 1,000 pounds of potatoes. Folks line up for a paper cone filled with fries and loaded up with one or two of 26 toppings. Authentically Belgian, the fries here are hand-cut and twice-fried, but the dippings span the globe: roasted garlic mayonnaise, satay peanut sauce and the complimentary house-special mayonnaise, ketchup and raw onions.

Pommes Frites
123 2nd Ave
New York
Betw 7th St. and St. Marks Place

And McSorley's is right around the corner!

Not a favorite day for Nixon

Today in history - July 24

Today is Monday, July 24, the 205th day of 2006. There are 160 days left in the year.
Today's Highlight in History:
On July 24, 1866, Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the Civil War.
On this date:
In 1783, Latin American revolutionary Simon Bolivar was born in Caracas, Venezuela.
In 1862, the eighth president of the United States, Martin Van Buren, died in Kinderhook, N.Y.
In 1929, President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy.
In 1959, during a visit to the Soviet Union, Vice President Richard M. Nixon engaged in a "Kitchen Debate" with Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev at a U.S. exhibition.
In 1969, the Apollo 11 astronauts - two of whom had been the first men to set foot on the moon - splashed down safely in the Pacific.
In 1974, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings to the Watergate special prosecutor.
In 1975, an Apollo spacecraft splashed down in the Pacific, completing a mission which included the first-ever docking with a Soyuz capsule from the Soviet Union.
In 1991, Nobel Prize-winning author Isaac Bashevis Singer died in Miami at age 87.
In 2002, nine coal miners were trapped in a flooded mine in western Pennsylvania; the story ended happily three days later with the rescue of all nine.
Ten years ago: Two bombs blamed on Tamil separatists ripped through a commuter train near Colombo, Sri Lanka, killing 64 civilians and wounding more than 400.
Five years ago: A Chinese court sentenced two U.S. residents to 10 years in prison on charges of spying for Taiwan. (China released Gao Zhan and Qin Guangguang two days later.)
One year ago: Lance Armstrong closed out his cycling career with a seventh consecutive Tour de France victory. Sir Richard Doll, the British scientist who first established a link between smoking and lung cancer, died in Oxford, England, at age 92.

Thought for Today: "My feeling is that there is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others, and comforting those that are sad." - Olive Schreiner, South African author and feminist (1855-1920).

Posts, to the moon!

Well, not exactly. But we did tie our best week ever with 16 posts for the week ending July 22nd. Our weekly average posts ticked up to 8.7 and the negative trendline since inception flattened some. We also gained new Contributors this week, fixed the site formatting issues (hopefully) and jazzed up the site's look and feel. Comments on the new appearance? Week 17 is now revving up. Contributors, start your postings.

The 50 Most Influential Albums of All-time

London's The Observer names the 50 most influential albums of all-time. Not the best mind you, nor the biggest selling, and not the album that made you rethink going to law school, but the most the most influential albums in (rock) music.

50 Most Influential Albums.

OK, here comes the spoiler, number one is "The Velvet Underground and Nico." Huh?

Number 50, absolutely. Number 37, sure. Number 19, why not, But number 1? According to the Observer, without this album, there'd be no Bowie, Roxy Music, Siouxsie and the Banshees and the Jesus and Mary Chain, among many others. And where would popular music be without Siouxsie and the Banshees and the Jesus and Mary Chain?

Oh, number 2? Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

What is your vote for the most influential album of all-time?

The Sunday Morning Haiku

In light of the success of the brilliant FRIDAY RANT, I humbly submit the flip side of the weekend coin:


I am a Monster
I am Doctor Frankenstein
I'm a Self-Made Man


And when I'm fifty?
Get all my shit together
Breathing, hopefully


At a theater soon...
Do not believe the Snake talk...
"Tom Waits On A Plane!"

Call To Arms!

As we advance slowly up the Google search rankings we must vigorously defend our blog beachhead against the evil forces that would destroy us.

What's Number Five?

The early Musings of the spiritual founder of The Hubbub.

Is it...

Friday?



Time for The Hubbub's Friday RANT!

Unload whatever's on your mind in the Comments section below.

Another Hubbub Milestone

The Hubbub, the most self-congratulatory publication on the world-wide web, reached another historic milestone today when we got our first visitor from the African continent, a Mr. Peter Van der Kiiiiiiirk of Johannesburg, South Africa.

We have now been viewed on every continent on Earth, excepting Antarctica (where I understand they don't do much but march back and forth to the sea and stand with eggs on their feet, but which will soon be a tropical playground for rich oil barons according to an email I received from one A.G. in Tennessee).

In honor of the occassion, The Hubbub's motto is hereby re-christened "An International Online Journal of the Arts, Language, Entertainment, Culture and Pseudo-intellectuality."

I'll Be Damned...

We have two first time posters tonight. Welcome as Contributors to The Hubbub KELLDOG and DENNIS! With this post that makes twelve for this week - well above our 8.2 per week average since inception and just four shy of our all-time record of sixteen established the week ending May 6th. And it's only Wednesday; we have three full days to go. Rock 'N' Roll!

July 20th: Rock and Roll Birthday Bonanza

Sit back and look at the amazing list of Rock stars born on July 20th..
Kim Carnes: Betty Davis Eyes
John Lodge: Moody Blues
Chris Cornell: Soundgarden
Carlos Santana
Jay Jay French: Twisted Sister
Michael Anthony: Van Halen
Paul Cook: Sex Pistols
Michael McNeill: Simple Minds

Do you think any date on the calendar can top this one?

Truth...

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda.

"Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks.

Guinness replies, "If you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I."

Guinness FAQt and Folklore

Marsh Overlook

Trees drowned
in a wet silence:
stark, bare, they stand,
holding to existence
through their gray deadness.

Verdant banks,
soft in greenness;
rounded islands
domed in lushness;
reflections - muted, shimmering.
Ripples dance a contrast.

Deadness here
makes for life;
ducks swim tinily
in the vastness.

Nature is patterned
toward survival.

The luxury of flowing curves,
continuous, eternal.
Green banks furnish the
rounding
confines of reflecting pools.
No animate life
save two black ducks
calmly disturbing the
reflections.

That lone tree, its trunk six feet
submerged
is not dead.

No leaves, speaking life, 'tis true,
but birds stop to greet its
dead branches;
Soft breezes do not snap its
brittle stems;
water laps lovingly, stroking
its dark bulk;
while the sun warms its grayness.

No, the tree is not dead;
there can be no death
amid such beauty.

-Olga Laird Hinckley

The original poem.

Hey Babe Jump In My Car

Do beautiful women still get all googly-eyed over a four on the floor hemi V8 with a fuel-injected supercharged 450 horsepower engine? Or does a Porsche 911 Turbo with a 6 cylinder 480 horsepower engine and a top speed of 192 mph make a woman purr like the same?Does the new Corvette with it's measly 400 horsepower hamster cage still turn the sexy siren's head? Or on the other hand, does the females-sexyalis turn their head in disgust and grumble, "Well, he must have a small penis?"

THE ANSWER IS: YES!

To both. Women may make the derogatory comments, but the power of the penis on wheels still draws them into the street like flies to a dead skunk. The automobile as aphrodisiac has lost no power since it first became the weapon of choice among the malestetostoniswithhardonis with the roll out of the Model T.

Throughout the history of mankind, the automobile has held a strange but honest almost symbiotic relationship with propagation of the species. Men buy cars like fishing lures. They've made them bright shiny and whipped them up and down the streets of the city as if fly-fishing in the Colorado River ever since the fifties.

The movie American Graffiti gave us a great depiction of the 50's when traveling back and forth Main Street to hook an attractive girl. The sixties were no different only for a while it was actually cool to have a van. Ah yes the Van. Where one could actually carry his own water-bed in the back and paint flames of hot passion on the side.

But throughout the years, only the coolest of the cool had the coolest cars. There was the Gumball Rally in the 70's and of course Burt Reynolds will never be forgotten with his smokin' hot car in Smokey and the Bandit. Into the 80's and even 90's James Bond 007 always had a huge penis on wheels with more bells and whistles than Santa's Reindeer in a dog show.

And it was a distrought Tom Cruise in the nineties who told us there was no substitute when his Porsche ended up doing it's real fishing off the end of a dock in Risky Business. (But he later dined on fine tuna for having a Porsche dipped in the water.)


It's no different today. Men are still Fast and Furious to get a woman into the backseat. "Let's jump in the back seat and watch a movie" is the new answer to "wanna go to the drive-in tonight?"

The proof of the pudding is this video by perhaps the coolest of the cool drivers himself. ENJOY!

The eyes = They see

The Anagram Hall of Fame.

The Next Really Big Enormous Thing...

The universe appeared and started expanding. Life appeared somewhere and then on Earth began making larger and smarter animals. Humans appeared and became smarter and more numerous, by inventing language, farming, industry, and computers.

These events are not evenly distributed over the history of the universe. The first events are relatively evenly distributed: the universe started fourteen billion years ago, life appeared by four billion years ago, and on Earth animals started growing larger and smarter about half a billion years ago. But the other events are very recent: our species appeared two million years ago, farming started ten thousand years ago, industry started two hundred years ago, and computers started a few decades ago.

Economists best estimates of total world product (average wealth per person times the number of people) show it to have been growing exponentially over the last century, doubling about every fifteen years, or about sixty times faster than under farming.

A new growth mode should arise sometime within about the next seven industry mode doublings (i.e., the next seventy years) and give a new wealth doubling time of between seven and sixteen days. Such a new mode would surely count as "The Next Really Big Enormous Thing."

The transition from farming to industry seems to have been more gradual than the transition from hunting to farming. Even such a gradual transition, however, would be very dramatic. Assume that a new transition was as gradual as the one to industry, and that the world economic growth rate was six percent in both 2039 and 2040, plus or minus a typical yearly fluctuation of half a percent.

If so, then in 2041, the increase in the growth rate might be the size of a typical fluctuation, and then in 2042 the growth rate would be a noticeably different eight percent. Growth would then be 14% in 2043, 50% in 2044, 150% in 2045, and 500% in 2046. Within five years the change would go from barely noticeable to overwhelming.

Say YES!

"In the last couple of weeks, I've blown a bottle, learnt to knit, screenprinted my first T-shirt, and jumped out of a plane. It was serendipity that they happened in such quick succession, but it shows two things: a fundamental need to get away from computers, and also what happens when you start saying YES, rather than no."

-Chris Heathcote

Heathcote was inspired by a talk by Ben Hammersley (see also) at Reboot 8 entitled:

"How to be a Renaissance Man: Four Rules"

The secret rule number 5 is:

No matter what opportunities come to you, what interest, what encounter, what curiosity,

Say YES!

What I have Learned from Drinking

Cliffy's right on this one. I have gained much wisdom over the years while drinking. Here's just a few nuggets I have picked up while propped on a bar stoool:

- People are offended by your urine, be thoughtful about where you leave it.
- There is a fine line between friendly eye contact and leering.
- Cheese is what seperates us from the animals.
- When Channel surfing, I live by one credo: See Nazis? Stop!
- No one wants to see your appendix scar.
- I have a lovely singing voice!
- Beer and batting cages don't mix.
- I am never going to be the designated driver; I know I say I will, but I won't.
- Anything with less than 80 proof that has a twist-off cap is shite!
- Your bosses wife is never "up for it," even though she has been sending signals to you all damn night.

There are many more, most having to do with robot bartenders that you don't have to tip, and who aren't always eyeballing you, but I'd like to hear about your oiled up epiphanies.

What have you learned from drinking?

Rationality...

Cliff Clavin:

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Is The Hubbub getting its MoJo back?

On the heels of the "The Hubbub's First 100 Days" post last week's posting frequency turned up nicely and was rather admirable, slightly eclipsing the weekly average since inception. But that long run trendline is decidedly negative.

The questions of the day:
Will we get new Contributors to help turn that trendline curve upwards?
Or will The Hubbub go the way of its Clifton rag ancestor?

Is this the future of the online Hubbub?

What My Grandpa Always Said

You say you're stubborn as a mule
And braver than a lion
Can drink booze like a camel
Without ever really trying
You say a frog is in your throat
And tell me that it's gas
But my Grandpa always said
"A Horse's Ass is a Horse's Ass"

You say that you got Rhino skin
And nothing makes you mad
A crocodile can never tear
'Cause nothing is that bad
This piggy's house is made of straw
You say it's Alcatraz
My Grandpa always said
"A Horse's Ass is a Horse's Ass"

You got your wife a-jumping hoops
And clapping like a seal
Midnight you're a tomcat
And just looking for some veal
You're patient like a vulture
When your snake is in the grass
Well, my Grandpa always said
"A Horse's Ass is a Horse's Ass"

You can eat more than an elephant
And box a kangaroo
Change like a chameleon
(I'm lost inside a zoo)
You chatter like a chimpanzee
Who's caught a large-mouth bass
My Grandpa always said
"A Horse's Ass is a Horse's Ass"

Joey Ramone on the Institution of Marriage...

From: nm---@b---.com
Sent: Tuesday, November 26, 2002 1:02 PM
To: M--- Hart-----
Subject: joey ramone...

M---,
Hope everythings's going well. I was just telling a colleague (I moved to B--- S------ in March of this year) about the famous Joey Ramone meeting*. And I remember he said something poignant about marriage, which you emailed to me years later when C---- and I got married. Do you remember what he said?
thanks,
N---

From: M--- Hart-----
Sent: Tuesday, November 26, 2002 3:22 PM
To: nm---@b---.com
Subject: Re: joey ramone...

Hi N---,
Good to hear from you.
Aah, Joey Ramone. I don't know if his words were intended to elevate the institution of marriage generally or whether they were a blessing on my nuptials. He said these immortal words to me,

"M---, man, getting married, that's a great thing you are doing dude."

More than fifteen years later, I still think of those words and the impact they have had on my marriage.
He died too young but he left behind his legacy.
M---

*On a hot Thursday night in August 1987 we had a bachelor party for M--- Hart----- at the Gramercy Park Hotel in New York City. We rented a suite there, brought in beer and food and that 45 year old woman in the police uniform (scary flashback). We made our way later that night to the Cat Club (now closed) with Alex de la Garza, GRHS, who got us in for free because he knew the bouncer. Some heavy metal band was playing. I vaguely remember someone pointing out Joey Ramone to me near one end of the bar. I don't think we stayed out too long and at about two in the morning five of us returned to the suite at the Gramercy to catch some sleep - it was a worknight afterall! Alex stayed behind. At about five in the morning there was a knock at the door. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room section of the suite. I opened the door. It was Alex with Joey Ramone and Ramone's girlfriend.

"N---, this is Joey Ramone!"
"Hi Joe."
"NO! N---!! This is JOEY RAMONE!!! As in I Wanna Be Sedated!"
"Oh. Hi Joey. N--- M---. Nice to meet you."

Joey introduced his girlfriend, whose name I've totally forgotten. The rest of the gang woke up and we spent a few hours conversing with the punk legend. At some point Joey spoke those immortal words to M--- about his upcoming marriage.

Other scattered recollections I have from that meeting:

1. There was a stand alone mini-fridge on the floor with beer in it. I told Joey he was welcome to a beer in the fridge. He didn't bend at the knees to retrieve one, he just bent over at the waist, his torso stayed straight like a crane boom, reached in and grabbed a beer. He was an awkwardly tall guy.
2. I asked him if he was getting residuals from his movie "Rock 'n' Roll High School." He had no idea what I was talking about.
3. He told us he wrote "I Wanna Be Sedated" while riding a bus in Queens.
4. He kept trying to make a phone call from our room. He couldn't get through to whoever he was calling. He slammed the phone down at one point in frustration and said "this phone doesn't work." He didn't realize you had to dial nine first.
5. His girlfriend made a comment about missing work again because of Joey Ramone.

Related: I'm taking the urinal that Joey [Ramone] pissed in with me.

The French...

(Let the vitriol roll menacingly off your tongue as you slowly speak the words in the above Title line.)

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson

Bonus audio.

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY!

Here are some ways that you can celebrate this special French holiday :

1. Go to your local prison and shoot spitballs at the guards. Then run away.
2. Take up chain-smoking
3. Cut the heads off all your children's dolls and action figures. If they complain tell them you are Robespierre and they're next if they don't shut up.
4. Skip the shower 'n' shave....it's unpatriotic
5. If you are married or single....menage a trois tonight!
6. Head-butt an Italian in the chest
7. Hold a bottle of Cabernet Savignon in your right hand and a plate piled high with expensive cheeses in your left, then run around your neighborhood with them screaming, "I surrender! I surrender!"
8. Plant a German flag in your backyard and, every time you walk by the window, give it a real dirty look
9. Go to your local pond and grab the first critter you can. Take it home and smother it in a buttery garlic glaze. Dinner's served!
10. Spend the day speaking a sing-song gibberishy nonsense to everyone you see. If they say "Excuse me, I don't understand you," call them "Stupid Americans" and march away with your nose in the air.

Do you smoke after sex?

I don't know, I never looked.

Happy Bastille Day Dr. Neuman!
The doctor is reportedly the second funniest man in North America and still not a Contributor to The Hubbub.

[And yes, yes, this is all inside joke stuff from the Fordham days. That's one of those foot long novelty cigars you can buy at any chintzy tourist shop. An annual Bastille Day greeting? Also an inside tradition.]

Heh.

The Future...

THE FUTURE <-- Now it's written.

The future of The Hubbub? Well, that's another matter entirely. It NEEDS to be written!

[Photo of E. 7th St. side wall of building on SE corner of E. 7th St. and Ave. A. Taken on Thursday, July 13th.]

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest -- 2006 Results...

Special Salute to Breasts Category:
As she sashayed out of the police station, her high heels clicking a staccato rhythm on the hard tile floor, like a one-armed castanet player in a very bad mariachi band, her ample bosom held in check only by a diaphanous blouse, and bouncing at each step like a 1959 tricked out Low-rider Chevy with very good hydraulics---she smiled to herself as she thought of the titillating interrogation from Detective Tipple about the Twin Peaks Melon Heist.

Context Here.
------------------------------------------------------------------
In a "somewhat related" salute...

Amanda leaves Rocketboom!
Say it ain't so Amanda Unboomed! Say it ain't so!

For Amanda's archive footage, click here.

Another reason why Amanda is dear to The Hubbub...

LAST THOUGHTS ON SYD BARRETT

Syd Barrett died the other day
As he watched the network news
The Madcap cried and passed away
This world gave him the blues

It wasn't that Pink Floyd fired him
From a band that he had started
It wasn't that they got real huge
Right after he departed

It wasn't his mind all burnt to hell
On dope and LSD
It wasn't the albums he couldn't sell
Nor his obesity

It wasn't his shaved eyebrows
Or obsession with T.V.
It wasn't isolation
Or the friends he wouldn't see

No, the thing that made Syd Barrett cry
And sent his spirit past us
Poor Syd had learned
That Dana Tyler
Was banging Ernie Anastious

Denny, are you sure you know how to access the Internets?

At Dell Computer's research lab in Texas Monday House Speaker Dennis Hastert and President Bush took their first cautious steps towards online access. A White House spokesperson said the President was curious about what the hubbub was all about.

The Hubbub's First 100 Days...

Applause, Applause.
The Hubbub's eclectic cornucopia of posts have been a real crowd pleaser!

A sampling:

On beer:
Here, Here and Here.

On musicians:
Here, Here and Here.

On Star Trek and internet politics.

On War and Hell.

On blog posting and monkeys:
Here and Here.
On beer and monkeys: Here.

On hemorrhoids and birthdays.

On advice in general.

Early '90s vintage Hubbub material:
Here and Here.

The inaugural online post.

BECOME A CONTRIBUTOR TO THE HUBBUB!
Email Slag to receive posting privileges. It's not only easy, it's imperative that you do so.

As I Sat Alone by Blue Ontario's Shores*...

*Attribution

Birthday Calls

I just want to write a special "$#@!" I mean, "thank you" to all of my fans and friends out there who took the time yesterday to wish me a "happy birthday." Yes, yesterday was that day that you love once a year. Pinning tails on donkeys, cake with candles, playing doctor, all the things we do as children. Love them until you reach the ripe ol' age of about 29. Then the "birthday" slowly but surely turns into the dreaded day once a year that you must look hard into the mirror, (because you need new glasses) and face your aching knees, hair in your ears, and daily talk of gastric distress.

My birthday is the same as our illustrious leader, so I get reminded all day long of the glorius event on TV and radio. God help us on July 6th! Since this humour is supposed to remain apolitical, I will not comment about G.W. or another famous republican, Nancy Reagan, whom both share my birthday. Nance was kinda sexy don't ya think? Gotta wonder what she looked like in her birthday suit. Yowzaa! That is sick and wrong! Forgive me Liberal fans.

Actually, I share the day with some wonderful people, Merv Griffin for example. If you're old enough to know who he is, then you're probably cursed with hemorrhoids. (but we'll get to that later) Another more illustrious but also one facing his aching knees no doubt is the now sixty year old Sly Stallone. But the cream of the crop, other than myself of course has to be Jennifer Saunders, also known as Edina, creator of, producer of, and wonderful method actor in, Absolutely Fabulous. But enough of that name dropping doo-doo. What I really want to talk about is the ubiquitous birthday call.

When did it become mandatory that one gets telephoned on his or her birthday. People that I haven't heard from in a year all of the sudden remember it's time to insult you by reminding you it's been a year since you put on that last twenty pounds, or started taking Viagra. But the worst happened to me yesterday.
After spending hours on the phone from well wishers, such as my younger brother (by 14 years) who declared "you're getting old, man," to my other younger brother who said "baftub oberflow!" Who the hell knows what that's about. But it was my mother who takes the birthday cake. I kid you not. When she opened the conversation with "honey do you have hemorrhoids?" Jesus (pronounced "hey soos" not "jeezus" just to keep this non-religious) Mom! What are you asking me? It just so happens that I do have hemorrhoids, hell I've got a roid so big that when I fart it looks like Karl Malden sneezing. Don't remind me of this aging body. Happy %$#@!ing Birthday.

A.P.B. for C.J.M.

Have you seen this man? 10 days without a post. Very suspicous.

Anyone with knowledge as to his whereabouts should contact The Hubbub immediately, or at least let him know that we were asking about him.



This is the last known image of CJM and was recorded during an infamous episode many years ago, now referred to only as "The Great Shame" by family and friends.

While engaged in illicit horseplay on a New York Harbor navigational buoy, CJM's shorts were painfully snagged on a mooring hook. The resulting Uber-wedgie caused CJM to expulse a shriek that deafened nearby marine mammals and the photographer who took this picture.

Tragically, due to the distorted speech of the now deaf photographer, when the incident was phoned into 911, rather than hearing that CJM had been painfully snagged on a mooring hook, it was erroneously reported that CJM had been painfully shagged by a Moorish hooker, resulting in the mass arrest of Arab prostitutes throughout the city, and forcing CJM to subsist on his own sweat for six days, dangling from a hook and awaiting rescue, as the mistake was sorted out.

Sadly, CJM is still a pariah from this incident in the Arab-American community, and currently "waiting out" a fatwa.

Let's hope we don't have reason to be concerned.

And They Said It Wouldn't Last

Check out this analysis of Hubbub traffic from June. We are not exactly Google but its interesting how many people are visiting and the places they are visiting from.


#--------------------------------------------------------
# Profile Name: the-hubbub.blogspot.com/
# Report Name: Executive Overview
# Date Range: 6/1/2006 - 6/30/2006
#--------------------------------------------------------

#--------------------------------------------------------
# Visits and Pageviews
#--------------------------------------------------------
Date Range Visits Pageviews
6/2006 272 664

#--------------------------------------------------------
# Visits by New and Returning
#--------------------------------------------------------
Visitor Types Visits
Returning Visitor 184
New Visitor 88

#--------------------------------------------------------
# Geo Map Overlay
#--------------------------------------------------------
Country/Region/City Visits
New York|407628|-739785 23
Secaucus|407801|-740633 23
Flushing|407600|-738276 21
Brooklyn|406525|-739554 20
Forest Hills|407229|-738424 18
Port Murray|407917|-749020 17
Port Washington|408374|-736938 12
New York|407619|-739763 9
Cold Spring Harbor|408599|-734528 7
Nanuet|410965|-740093 6
Willow Grove|401492|-751285 6
Yonkers|409435|-738713 5
West Orange|407919|-742640 5
Cheshire|415059|-729081 4
Mechanicville|429173|-737349 3
Columbia|391966|-768492 3
Peoria|336534|-1122462 2
Boston|423582|-710507 2
Fairfield|411746|-732843 2
Bozeman|457720|-1109349 2
Scottsdale|335610|-1119089 1
Cuenca|-28833|-789833 1
Pittsburgh|403710|-800080 1
Enka|355414|-826437 1
Whitby|438667|-789333 1
Cardiff|515000|-32000 1
Tulsa|361352|-959365 1
Levittown|401527|-748480 1
Lansing|427323|-845533 1
Leonia|408633|-739899 1
Roseland|408222|-743045 1
Odessa|318454|-1023680 1
New York|407267|-739981 1
Chicago|419288|-876315 1
Lake Katrine|419879|-739899 1
Winchester|510167|-13167 1
Mexico|194342|-991386 1
Munro|-345333|-585500 1
Summerville|330311|-801884 1
Mount Uniacke|448833|-638333 1
Sandridge|517667|-3000 1
Rome|419000|124832 1
Singapore|12931|1038558 1
Calgary|510833|-1140833 1
Rome|342865|-851929 1
Portugalete|433167|-30168 1
Karacaören|386167|349833 1
Loganlea|-276667|1531332 1
Newark|407340|-741868 1
Tucson|322369|-1109559 1
Harvey|298485|-900633 1
Eschweiler|508167|62833 1
Beaverton|454804|-1228356 1
Madrid|404000|-36833 1
Fayetteville|360581|-940778 1
Las Vegas|361515|-1152049 1
Waco|314789|-970926 1
Otsego|424387|-857371 1
San Francisco|377645|-1224294 1
Toronto|436667|-794168 1
Lilburn|338639|-841243 1
Paradise Valley|335422|-1119679 1
Edmonton|535500|-1135000 1
Bradford|414102|-717476 1
Santa Ana|337633|-1177942 1
Maidenhead|515167|-7000 1
London|515000|-1167 1
Fort Lee|372357|-773366 1
Batavia|429898|-782221 1

#--------------------------------------------------------
# Visits by Source
#--------------------------------------------------------
Sources Visits
blogger.com 136
(direct) 56
google 20
search 10
us.f840.mail.yahoo.com 6